THE BILL DRUMMOND FRANCHISE

Spoke by Angie Darcy in character as Brush (Your Shop Steward)

SPOKE

WRIT

Monday the 8th of June 2026

Fellow Workers,

The former Bill Drummond was down on the shop floor this morning. He was in a total state. I asked him to step outside for a chat.

It seemed he has received a flurry of emails of late, all from different people who all think he is someone else, or someone he is not, or someone he used to be, or even someone he should be. I tried to explain that none of us are who we think we are. We are all just what other people think we are.

He then showed me this latest email that he had received last night that had triggered his ‘state’.

I will read it out to you first before going into my response...

From: Linda Skugge <lskugge@gmail.com>
Date: Sunday, 7 June 2026 at 19:49
To: Penkiln Burn <admin@penkiln-burn.com>
Subject: Write the foreword to my coming vanity project

Hello!
Nice patches!

I hope you remember me.
Swedish author and KLF worshipper.
We did write to each other, and I did publish it in my fanzine. Maybe ten years ago.

My new book is a homage to The Manual, but how to make it as a pornstar.

Yes I went from author, Swedens most famous feminist, to Onlyfans.

Became very successful at the unspeakable.

You did burn one million.

I did make one million and burned a lot of bridges.

Please say yes to write a fore word, or a foot note!

And come to Stockholm Friday June 12 to DJ with me and my man from LA. I will fix ticket and accommodation.
We will play tunes from the 90s.

He’s some kind of an original very smart nutter like you.

We met during set!😆  He’s a bankman in daytime. Very naughty in the dark hours.
My gay writer friend in NY calls him Tummelisa after HC Andersens psychedelic saga.

Or meet us in Monte Carlo first week in July.

Yours sincerely 
Linda Skugge

I said this is fantastic, as in this is the moment that we launch The Bill Drummond Franchise. As in the VAPE SHOP Franchise worked, even though we just limited it to five. And all that inviting all those people to write The Life Model, as in his memoir, worked. So why not take things to the next step and we franchise out Bill Drummond. Any number of people can be whatever they think you are or are not. Or they can take you into different directions that you would never have thought about going. I mean Bill Drummond on OnlyFans. It frees the Bill Drummond brand up. They could be young, old, male, female, of any race or creed, or even the ultimate They. Thus he would be freed up from just being a ‘grumpy old man’. No longer a stand in for Private Frazer in Dad’s Army.

He wanted to know how this could work. I told him that I would write one of my missives inviting our fellow workers and whoever else out there, who might want to go to Stockholm this Friday to spin discs from the 90s or go to Monte Carlo in July, to email Linda Skugge as a you (whoever you are), with their Fore Word or Back Word for her The Manual (How To Be A Pornstar). And those that do can automatically become a Bill Drummond Franchise.

Then we take it from there, I mean we are not just talking about being a Bill Drummond tribute act, we are talking about being the real thing. I mean every McDonalds is a McDonalds even though every* McDonalds is a franchise.

*or at least 95% of them are.

He muttered something about, how me sharing here email with whoever, is surely a breach of some sort of trust. So I explained to him all emails can be shared with anyone, thus are automatically in the public domain whether we like it or not. This Linda Skugge will know this, or else she would not be on OnlyFans.

The former Bill Drummond shuffled off, saying nothing, which I took to mean as a ‘Yes’ from him, that said sometimes I don’t know what he understands about anything in the modern world.

So Fellow Workers...

Feel free to CC me in on any emails you might be sending to Linda Skugge with your Fore Word or Back Word and let us know how it goes this Friday in Stockholm or down in Monte Carlo. Once you have done that you will get your full BILL DRUMMOND FRANCHISE certificate.

Yours, from the shop floor,

Brush (Your Shop Steward)
brush@penkilnburn.com