FROM THE BENCH

OPEN EDIT

SPOKE

WRIT

From the bench of Your Shop Steward
Saturday, 21st February 2026

Fellow Workers,

The Penkiln Burn Universe is out of control.

It needs to be controlled.

Or at the very least edited.

Can you edit?

Can you suggest what should be edited from what is currently pouring out of its past into its future?

If so – what?

And how?

Or even if it is only proof-reading corrections that you can suggest.

You will be credited.

All suggestions to me...

Yours from the shop floor,

Brush (Your Shop Steward)
brush@penkilnburn.com

FICATE

SPOKE

WRIT

From the bench of Your Shop Steward
Sunday, 1st March 2026

Fellow Workers,

Ficate is a verb.

Or at least for the year of 2027 the word ficate is a verb. For language to survive it has to constantly evolve. And by the 1st of January 2028 (if life on earth still exists then) the word ficate, if it still exists then, will no longer be a verb.

But...

For the 365 days of 2027...

The verb ficate, can be defined as a word to describe the action of attempting to take one thing and make it become another thing in the hope that the ‘thing’ can be perceived to have more importance / meaning / currency in the ever more modern world.

But...

In the process of something being ficated, the original importance / meaning / currency it had, will have shifted and for some even be undermined thus devalued. Be that in the world of your past, present or future.

But...

There are those that already know about these sorts of things and they might say...

“The urge to ficate, is as strong as the urge to watch sex and violence, even if you do not actively participate in the sex and violence.”

And...

Just to be clear, Sex & Violence do not exist in the Penkiln Burn Universe, or they do not exist for packaged public consumption.

Anyway...

Back to the verb in question...

Ficate...

After the closing moments of the 31st of December 2026, and as in the seconds and minutes and hours and days and weeks and months that follow...

As in...

Come the 1st of January 2027, there will be those in the Penkiln Burn Universe that will want to explore how the verb ficate, can be released to then run amok across those 365 days within the said Penkiln Burn Universe, just to vicariously observe what might happen.

And for this to happen...

We must let the verb ficate give birth to the noun fication. And in turn let the noun fication splinter into five subgenres. Those five subgenres include...

Retrofication, Gamification, Academification, Commodification, and Communification.

We all might have our own versions of what those five words mean within the world we have been living in since the turning of the century.

But...

We will now attempt to explore what those five subgenres of fication might mean within the 2027 version of the Penkiln Burn Universe.

That said...

At times there might not be a clear distinction between each of these five subgenres.

I mean...

What might start out being Academification might become in reality just a sub-subgenre of Gamification.

I mean...

Maybe “clear distinction” does not exist in the Penkiln Burn Universe.

Anyway...

RETROFICATION:
The retrofication of an object or event is, to attempt to give the object or event some sort of importance due to its perceived history. In your personal life retrofication, might be expressed or even achieved by buying clothes from a charity shop, or lying on the floor (or bed) while listening to a vinyl album that you bought as a teenager, or even making yourself cheese on toast, because that is what you liked when you came home from school.

In the more commercial world, retrofication might take the form of distressed jeans being sold by a high street clothing chain in the year of 2023...

Or...

Embracing Record Store Day in the year of 2024...

Or...

Going to the pictures when you could wait two weeks and watch it on Netflix in the year of 2025...

Or...

Cafes distressing their walls so they can charge the former Bill Drummond more for the price of his daily fix of whatever type of coffee he was drinking in the year of 2022.

Within the Penkiln Burn Universe the perceived rot of retrofication has already begun by the Penkiln Burn Records releasing their records only on vinyl.

As for the future...

We have little idea how the Penkiln Burn Universe might affect distressed looks, in the hope to up its value and embrace its retrofication in the mind of those yet to come.

GAMIFICATION:
Now that almost everything in life has been gamified, from how we use dating apps to how we navigate our imminent demise, to seeing how many weeks we can go without telling our life partner how much we love them to...

Anyway...

It was only a matter of time before the Penkiln Burn Universe would find itself exploring how it could explore its own gamification. The first step in the gamification of the Penkiln Burn Universe takes the simple form used by both Alcoholics Anonymous and Duolingo, as in giving yourself the challenge of how many days you can go without, or go with, something, but not the ‘how much we love them’ thing. And then be celebrated when you have achieved that challenge.

The Penkiln Burn Universe has appropriated the term streak from Duolingo. As in the word ‘streak’ is to be used as the title of their late to the game, but still their first attempt at overt gamification. Thus a STREAK, is to do a 365-day streak of all the content within FOOT NOTE, between Friday the 1st of January 2027 and Friday the 31st of December 2027.

But...

Things are more challenging than just listening to or reading the content presented to you on a 365-day cycle. If you find yourself driven to complete this streak, as in create your STREAK, you have to uncover your hidden story from the letters and words and phrases and sentences found within each of the daily sections of FOOT NOTE. And at the end of each month email that month’s chapter of your story to vape@penkilnburn.com.

But no more than 1,000 words a month.

And...

There is not just one, as in your ‘hidden story’ to be uncovered, there are many. As many as there are those that want to uncover their story and attain their STREAK.

But...

A would be STREAKER must clearly, display (copy and paste) in their monthly emails to me brush@penkilnburn.com where they sampled their words, phrases or sentences from each of the daily entries of the previous month.

The cynics might view this process as merely a rip off of the cut-up technique used by Brion Gysin, or at best a collage like you did in your art class at primary school, but we here in the Penkiln Burn Universe, consider this a way to unlock your pent-up creativity.
 
And...

After you, and your fellow STREAKERS, have delivered all twelve of your (and their) monthly chapters from the year of 2027, those completed stories, which we will now consider each to be a novella of their own standing and each with their own chosen title. And these novellas will all be made public within the Penkiln Burn Universe. And there they will be judged by the passing readers. And those choosing to judge can award stars out of five. And the winner will win the first Penkiln Burn Literary Award. And the winner of the Penkiln Burn Literary Award will have their novella published in as a hard back Penkiln Burn Book in and edition of 400, at the same time as retaining all copyright in their creative work.  

And...

If the former Bill Drummond is still physically alive, he will ‘mark’ your STREAK certificate, and it will be posted to your physical home address.

And remember...

The Penkiln Burn Universe does not track you.
It is down to you to track the Penkiln Burn Universe.
The Penkiln Burn Universe does not stalk you.
It is down to you to stalk the Penkiln Burn Universe.

Anyway...

That is one example of the Gamification of the Penkiln Burn Universe. Other more dangerous forms of gamification might evolve within the Penkiln Burn Universe within the given time frame of the future.

ACADEMIFICATION:
Most art in the modern world has suicidal tendencies. If put into practice, those suicidal tendencies usually chose one of three different paths...

Curatofication being the first – as in any art that has been curated is dead art. As any art that can be viewed, judged and consumed in a public gallery – especially if it is a retrospective (this being where Retrofication merges with Academification)

Commodification being the second, as in when the Art knowingly allows itself to become a commodity that can be bought and sold on the open (or even closed) market, at the same time knowing that this very trading is what will stop it from being a living breathing thing.

The third and most lethal, is Academification, this being when Art secretly seeks to be validated by Academia.

But...

Academification is also the clearest (and maybe ‘cleverest’) way to murder Art.

Academification can also be used to murder the Penkiln Burn Universe.

We here within the Penkiln Burn Universe invite you to become a murderer. As in murder the Penkiln Burn Universe, using Academification as your weapon of choice.  There are five distinct steps in how to sharpen your weapon to commit this murder of a whole universe. They are as follows...

The Haiku...
As in distil all of the content of FOOT NOTE into the 17 morae of one Haiku.

The Essay...
Write an essay of no more than one thousand words that would be appropriate for a History of Art Essay for those doing A’ Level or Highers exam at a school in the UK, or the equivalent exam in a country of your choosing. These ‘no more than one thousand words’ must be written in response to an aspect of the content contained within FOOT NOTE. As to which ‘content contained within FOOT NOTE’ is up to you.

The Dissertation...
Write a dissertation of no more than ten thousand words that would be appropriate for a History of Art Dissertation for those doing a bachelor’s degree in Fine Art at a University of your choice anywhere on earth. These no more than ten thousand words must be written in response to content contained within FOOT NOTE. As to which ‘content contained within FOOT NOTE’ is up to you.

The Thesis...
Write a thesis of no more than ninety thousand words that would be appropriate for a PhD / Doctorate at a university of your choice anywhere on earth. These no more than ninety thousand words must be written in response to content contained within FOOT NOTE. As to which ‘content contained within FOOT NOTE’ is up to you.

The Book...
Write and publish a book containing as many or as few words as you care to choose. But these words must have been written as a reaction to the content contained within FOOT NOTE. As to which ‘content contained within FOOT NOTE’ is up to you. But this is where you can cheat, as in you can use the wordcounts you have created to achieve the first four levels in Academification of the Penkiln Burn Universe to be the content for your Book.

And this again is an example where two of the five subgenres of Fication cross fertilise or at least muddy their individual distinctions. As in elements of Gamification can be harnessed to help you achieve your murdering of the Penkiln Burn Universe.

As in...

If you want to become a public Murderer of the Penkiln Burn Universe, and to be seen to publicly do this, and win that race, please submit your submission of these five steps. And each of your Five Steps will be published within the Penkiln Burn Universe for all to pass comment, asses and judge.

Others can sit and knit and natter while they watch your guillotine of words drop and execute the whole of the Penkiln Burn Universe before its head hits the basket.

And...

If you were to achieve all five levels of Penkiln Burn Academification you will receive a MURDERER certificate, marked by the yet undead but still former Bill Drummond.

But...

The first to stride all Five Steps will also be honoured as the winner and celebrated as the Murderer Supreme. Even if what they have written is shite and we all know that it is. I mean just read the comments. I mean do the comments reveal more than the work that is being commented upon? I mean, would YouTube exist without the comments? Discuss and debate, but not before you have written that Haiku.

COMMODIFICATION:
This one is down to you. Or at least down to your creative cynicism. If there is a way that you think you could commodify aspects of the Penkiln Burn Universe, feel free to do so...

Let your entrepreneurial skills free...

T-shirts, tote bags, posters, mugs, tea towels, mats – signed limited editions being the most obvious, thus most boring. But you judge the market and see what you can achieve.

And this is where the waters get muddied between those five Fications. And we allow Gamification to creep again into the needed enterprise of Commodification.

As in...

The first that can prove they have grossed £1,000 (or equivalent), in the Commodification of the Penkiln Burn Universe will receive a ONE THOUSAND QUID certificate. The next step being the £10,000 one, and of course the FORTY THOUSAND QUID one. And the crowning glory the HUNDRED THOUSAND QUID one. There can be no losers in this game, just winners. Take the risk, sell the merch, make the money, win the trophy.

That said...

The bank manager for CREE BANK, would like it clarified here, that the work, enterprise and whatever else of CREE BANK, operates in separate and distinct way from the ‘creative cynicism’ approach needed to achieve the Commodification of the Penkiln Burn Universe.

CREE BANK is driven by duty aligned to an ideology.
The Commodification of the Penkiln Burn Universe is driven by unfettered greed.

COMMUNIFICATION:
It may well be known that the world of the online community has eroded and corroded much of the real-life community that once existed in your community. This being done to commodify the human need for community.

We in the Penkiln Burn Universe would like to address this. Or at least offer an alternative, even if you detect a stench of cynicism in this attempt to offer an alternative.

The first being a Penkiln Burn Universe Pub Quiz. An example of this could be five people gather together in a public house of their choosing. One of the five would be the Quiz Mistress / Master. They would have a list of 100 questions regarding facts and fictions whose answers can be found within the 365 days of FOOT NOTE.

Or...

On a larger scale, it could be eight teams of five. Thus would meet in larger public space, be that being in a public house, village or church hall or even a Penkiln Burn Tea Room.

And...

Again there would be a Quiz Mistress or Master with 100 hundred questions to be asked whose answers can be found within the 365 days of FOOT NOTE.

And...

Of course the winning team would receive a WINNERs certificate from the Penkin Burn Universe.

Maybe...

Only 40 of these quizzes should ever exist.

Or there could be an annual trophy, that gets handed on from winning team to winning team over a forty-year period.

Anyway...

The 2020s might go down in history as the decade of the Immersive Experience.

We in the Penkiln Burn Universe would like to offer a more community led and less commodified immersive experience.

Four examples of these could be...

One:
Find four others and then find that wall under Spaghetti Junction and recreate one of the paintings done by a local artist on that very wall. Just use emulsion – nothing fancy.

Two:
Find four others and then find the real Penkiln Burn and re-enact the former Bill Drummond passing his Cub Scout swimming proficiency badge as he did at the age of ten in the September of 1963. If you do this, you and the other four will (might) receive a replica 1960s Cub Scout proficiency badge for the said re-enactment.

Three:
Download the PDF and print forty copies of the YEAR ZERO pamphlet. And distribute those forty copies on the top deck of double decker buses in your area of the world. Then go and spray your VAPE SHOP tag on a wall in your area of the world. Although no certificates will be made, printed and sent to you for achieving this form of immersive experience, feel free to create your own certificate of achievement, for achieving this form of immersification. Although this might be something done by you alone, attempt to find another four that might have done the same thing in their corner of the wider world and share your experiences of being VAPE SHOP off the leash.

And if there are no double-decker busses in your part of the world, the back seat of a single-decker with do.

Four:
And this is the one that is the most arduous to perform / experience / tick off the list...

It involves the performance of the Tenzing Scott Brown play The 25 Paintings in a location of your choice. To read or listen to what this might involve click HERE.

And...

Maybe listen and read PAINT HEAD by Tenzing Scott Brown, while you are at it.

But...

If you were up for doing this, you could take it a step further and invite those that are wanting to experience your performance of this Tenzing Scott Brown play to Make Soup, Bake Cakes, Shine Shoes, Build Beds, Sweep Streets, Climb Trees, Knit Squares, Give Daffodils and all the rest of those things. And maybe even host your own Penkiln Burn Tearoom while you are at.

The former Bill Drummond hopes to perform this play by Tenzing Scott Brown in a future time, if there are future times for them once The 25 Paintings twelve-year world tour has been completed.

Five:
And although we were not going to have a fifth in this list, the ghost of Tenzing Scott Brown seems to be insisting we invite you to stage a season of their plays in a pub backroom or village / church hall somewhere in your real lived community.   

Let us know what you think.

Yours from the shop floor,

Brush (Your Shop Steward)
brush@penkilnburn.com

FAMOUS PEOPLE I HAVE SHAGGED

SPOKE

WRIT

From the bench of Your Shop Steward
Monday, 2nd March 2026

Fellow Workers,

Famous People I Have Shagged is a novella by William E. Drummond

Famous People I Have Shagged is being constructed by William E. Drummond over the 12 months of 2027, using the methods unravelled by myself in my meditation on the creative process that goes by the name of Ficate.

That said, we are able to present to you here the content contained on William E, Drummond proposed introduction of his yet to be written novella...

Famous People I Have Shagged is to be the title of my ‘memoir’, that I plan to construct over a twelve-month period using the methods laid bare by Brush (Your Shop Steward) in her meditation on the creative process that goes by the name of Ficate.

I wanted my ‘memoir’ to use a title and opening line that might capture the passing readers attention – I mean not that I have shagged any famous people, or not yet, but if we use the urban legend that if you live in London, one is never more than six feet from the nearest rat, we can assume that if we live in London, we are never more than 60 yards from a famous person.

For each of the twelve months of 2027, I plan to present to you a chapter of no more than one thousand words, of how I will find a famous person and attempt for them to want to seduce me. Now the fact that I may fail in these attempts is not the issue, the issue is the journey. The falls from grace. The nearly had ’ems. The almost came. The missed train. The elevator moment. The walk of shame. The early morning rain. The poetry before dawn. The pointlessness of it all. What could have been. What should have been. If only... And then that moment, when it felt like all of life had been leading to the moment. Me and twelve different famous people. One a month. What can go wrong? Or even right?

And this whole memoir constructed from letters, words, phrases, sentences and even paragraphs contained within FOOT NOTE, as I attempt to complete a streak of the 365 days contained within FOOT NOTE.

And before it is too late, why don’t you attempt to write your own novella using the same methods, just read and digest that Ficate by Brush (Your Shop Steward) and sharpen your pencil, it can’t be that hard, all the words are already there, you just have to find them and put them in an order of your choosing. And once you have done you can enter your novella, in the 2028 Penkiln Burn Literary Awards.

Anyway...

It is time for me to sip the last of my Oat Latte and head out into the streets and find that famous person that might, for some reason, want to seduce me.

So as William E. Drummond, states in his introduction to his novella Famous People I Have Shagged, please read my meditations on the creative process contained within Ficate and start to contemplate how it is not too late in your life to write that award winning novella that you had secretly always knew was in you to write.

Yours from the shop floor,

Brush (Your Shop Steward)
brush@penkilnburn.com

THE PENKILN BURN GATHERING

SPOKE

WRIT

From the bench of Your Shop Steward
Tuesday, 3rd March 2026

Fellow Workers,

Planning ahead...

The Penkiln Burn Gathering may happen or may not happen on and between the dates of the 29th of April and 14th of May 2028.

And if...

The Penkiln Burn Gathering were to happen it would happen across the fields and moors and burns and mountains and lochs and towns and houses and halls and tidal flats of Galloway, in the far southwest of Scotland. And of course, in the Newton Stewart Picture House.

First and foremost...

The Penkiln Burn Gathering will exist to mark The End of the Penkiln Burn Universe, as a living breathing and evolving universe. Even Marvel will have its Decline & Fall, and there will be nothing Miles Morales will be able to do about it, let alone Peter Parker and all the rest.

But back to the Penkiln Burn Gathering...

And don’t hold any of this to account but...

And what follows will evolve between now and then...

But...

This is the list as is known at the moment...

THE OPENING:
The opening of the Penkiln Burn Gathering will be marked on the morning of the 29th of April 2028, by the former Bill Drummond re-enacting having the first of the Life & Death of an Artist photographs taken by Tracey Moberly in 2008. As in the former Bill Drummond standing in the Penkiln Burn holding a dead salmon in one hand and a bunch of freshly picked Bluebells in the other, while the real Tracey Moberly takes her final Life & Death of an Artist photographs.

CREE BANK:
Will open its doors later in the day of that 29th of April...
The Bank Manager will be there for those still in need of opening accounts.

THE PENKILN BURN TEA ROOMS:
The Penkiln Burn Tea Rooms will be open between the hours of 3pm and 5pm somewhere for most of those days. Freshly baked scones, clotted cream, homemade strawberry jam, butter and Darjeeling Tea. And of course, your friendly Nippy in his three-piece black suite, apron and tea cosy on head. Those attending the Penkiln Burn Tea Rooms will be invited to discuss things they have never discussed before with people they have never met before.

If cynical enterprise prevails, there might even be Penkiln Burn Tea Room tea caddies, pinnies, tea towels and tea cosies for sale.

THE PENKILN BURN PLAYERS:
The Penkiln Burn Players will be performing a season of Tenzing Scott Brown plays.

NOTA BENE:
The Penkiln Burn Players will not be performing a performance of the Tenzing Scott Brown play The 25 Paintings.

The 25 Paintings might be performed elsewhere at a later time. If elsewhere and later times are to exist.

AMATEUR DRAMATIC GROUPS:
Amateur Dramatic Groups from around the globe are welcomed to perform their interpretations of plays by Tenzing Scott Brown. Including The 25 Paintings if so inclined.

CINDY:
Cindy has been invited to give reading from... and sign copies of her memoir – My Other Life. We also hope she might even do a Q&A session.

QUIZ NIGHT:
Penkiln Burn Quiz Night hosted somewhere on some evening before the beginning and end of this Gathering. Let us know if you want to be the Quiz Master.

THE PENKILN BURN MOVING PICTURE SHOW AWARDS:
This being the screening of all those that have entered their zero-budget* film based on aspects of the stories told within the Penkiln Burn Universe.

Be that...

The imagined events that unfolded on a night when the former Bill Drummond made soup in some random house in a nowhere market town, and the story is not about the former Bill Drummond, as in his character hardly features in the film, but it is all about...

Anyway...

That is for you to decide, write, shoot, edit and deliver.

Or based on any one of the themes presented in any one of the chapters of The Life Model.

Or maybe the ongoing relationship between Cindy and Tenzing.

You make the film, it will screened.

And...

Entries can be as short or as long as those that are making the film might want. That said all entries must be delivered to vape@penkilnburn.com before the first snowdrop comes into bloom in 2028.

Those attending The Penkiln Burn Moving Picture Show will vote on the night(s) which will be the winner of The Best Penkiln Burn Moving Picture Show Award.

At the time these words are being typed we have commissioned the Tracey Moberly to attempt to turn the I Have Just Murdered My Wife spoken novella by William E. Drummond into a full length feature film, in the hope it can act as an instruction manual, as to how you might make your own full length feature film to enter The Penkiln Burn Moving Pictures Show Awards.

*What a ‘Zero-Budget’ moving picture is up to your purse to decide.

MAKE SOUP:
For one night only, soup will be made...
Make the Soup & The People will Sup

VOICES FROM THE GALLOVERSE:
The full-length feature film directed by Tracey Moberly, that has been in gestation for over 45 years, will have its world premiere at the Newton Stewart Picture House on the evening of the 11th of May 2028.

Or...

I will burn your Picture House down.

Ask George Jones.

TAKE:
TAKE is an exhibition where everything exhibited has to be taken by those visiting the exhibition. Everything being exhibited includes everything that exits in the former Bill Drummond dark industrial unit on a light industrial estate in the long shadow of Sizewell B, on the Suffolk Coast, but transitioned to a light industrial unit on a dark industrial estate somewhere in the then Galloway. Nothing must be left. Or if there was it would end up being exhibited in a skip.

BILL DRUMMOND by TRACEY MOBERLY:
BILL DRUMMOND by TRACEY MOBERLY is an exhibition of the work created by the Welsh artist Tracey Moberly using the former Bill Drummond as her muse. A version of this evolving exhibition will begin its world tour within the Penkiln Burn Gathering.

SKIP:
SKIP is an after-show exhibition where everything left from everything else is tossed into.

MERCH:
This will be where all those that have decided to make Penkiln Burn Universe Merch can compete with each other to see who can sell the most. The winner will be crowned Queen of Merch 2028.

THE SEVENTEEN:
The Seventeen is a tribute choir to The17.
The Seventeen might perform one or three scores originally written to be performed by The17 between 2003 and 2013. And a tribute version of the former Bill Drummond will repaint the words IMAGINE WAKING UP TOMORROW AND ALL MUSIC HAS DISAPPEARED under the Queen Mary’s Bridge over the Penkiln Burn.

STRETCH LITERARY AWARD:
The STRETCH Literary Award is to be awarded to the greatest novella created by those that have constructed their novella out of the letters, words, phrases, sentences or even paragraphs that have appeared within FOOT NOTE over a 365 day STRETCH between the 1st of January and the 31st of December 2027. And example of how this construction can be done is taking place in real time by the novelist William E. Drummond as he constructs his novella Famous People I Have Shagged.

The panel of judges will be made up of all those that want to be on the panel. If you want to be on the panel, contact vape@penkilnburn.com

OTHER MOVING PICTURES:
Other moving pictures that have historical connections to the Penkiln Burn Universe might be screened at the Newton Stewart Picture House during the Penkiln Burn Gathering. These films might include How To Be An Artist, Imagine Waking Up Tomorrow & All Music Has Disappeared, Best Before Death and the Galloverse edit of STAY.

TRUE TO THE TRAIL:
True To The Trail will be performed for the very last time.
This will be done to mark the release for the final of the five Penkiln Burn Recordings long-playing record of the same name.

THE ENDING:
The Penkiln Burn Gathering will close after the screening of Voices From The Galloverse with a walk up through Newton Stewart, over the River Cree suspension bridge, up the track past Monigaff Kirk (Minnigaff Church) to that Queen Mary’s Bridge. Once on the bridge the former Bill Drummond will take his Apple laptop from his rucksack and throw it into the water below and then he will take his iPhone from his pocket and use it to move the Penkiln Burn website into permanent state of Darkness. After which he will throw it also in the rushing waters bellow.

THE FOLLOWING MORNING:
The following morning the Larks will rise over Cairnsmore and the tide will turn in the Wigtown Bay.

And...

VAPE SHOP will shuffle out of town and attempt to hitch hike back down to London with his newspaper sack over his shoulder. It will contain copies of the newspaper FOOT NOTE. On his return to London, he will hope that he still has it in his legs to climb to the top floor of bus heading to corner of that bleak city that he has never been to before to sell copies of that paper, to spray his tag and go for a shave in a Kurdish barbers shop before heading home for some camomile tea and an early night.

There will be no more...

The End

But...

If you have any queries or questions, don’t hesitate to ask me.

Yours from the shop floor,

Brush (Your Shop Steward)
brush@penkilnburn.com

Post Script:
Of course, like that hand that never got chopped off, none of this might happen – fete might have other things in stall for us all.

ATTENTION DEFICIT ORDER

SPOKE

WRIT

From the bench of Your Shop Steward
Friday, 6th March 2026

Fellow Workers,

It has been brought to my attention that over 40 of your fellow workers have paid too much attention to the Penkiln Burn Poster that goes by the name of ATTENTION.

This giving attention might be celebrated by some. But from the view here on the shop floor, it is considered a waste of those individuals limited attention span.

As in...

We don’t want anymore Attention Span wasted that could be put to better use.

That said all individual invoices that have arrived on my bench are being addressed – note the word ‘honoured’ is not being used here, as some of demands are proving illegitimate. As in some of the invoices contained more words than the original ATTENTION poster contained, thus required more attention than the original poster required. And smearing dog shite on your neighbour’s face is not a service we on the shop floor can provide however much attention you have given the said poster.

In future we would recommend that you never give anything more attention than your Attention Span can afford.

In future we would recommend that you throw your spanner in the works.

Yours from the shop floor,

Brush (Your Shop Steward)
brush@penkilnburn.com

SHIFTING SANDS

SPOKE

WRIT

From the bench of Your Shop Steward
Tuesday, 10th March 2026

Fellow Workers,

It might be because the Blackthorn have blossomed
It might be because the Rooks are rebuilding their nests.
It might be because...

Anyway...

Whatever it is, the former Bill Drummond is in a far better place in his head than he has been for months if not years. The Darkness is lifting. He no longer has the same dreams night after night, always about being lost and not being able to find his way home, at the same time as, not knowing what home is, or even looks like.

It might not be that Damascene moment that he has often gone on about, or even finally finding that North West Passage...

I mean...

You have listened to Lord Franklin by Pentangle.

But anyway...

Something has shifted.

Or at least shifting.

I mean we like sands to shift.

That said he is not willing to remove any of the negativity contained within the YEAR ZERO pamphlet by VAPE SHOP or even his tirade against Western Cultural Imperialism and everything else contained within WHY IS ANDY WARHOL SHITE? and GONE.

This shift has come from the realisation that everything that is contained within FOOT NOTE could have been created using Artificial Intelligence. I mean you could write all these words, make the photos that have been taken by Tracey Moberly, write the songs on the soundtrack album to the film STAY – even make the STAY film, using what is available to you at your fingertips on your laptop, using whatever brand of AI you choose, in the next hour. Why consume any of this when you could do that?

And...

Do it better.

It is this realisation, that has shifted the former Bill Drummond’s mindset. It is this shifting that is now letting the idea of such a thing as Art to exist in his head again. As in an Art that cannot be bought or sold, curated or validated. As in an Art that only exists in the experience of other people doing it. Not in the sense that they are doing it like a tribute act, or even a re-enactment, but maybe closer to the immersive thing vaguely laid out in one of my previous missives to you.

Take for example...

The Cake Circle...

It is only by constructing your own Cake Circle, will you ever be able to ‘own’ the ‘work of art’ that is known as a Cake Circle.

As in...

No amount of money will ever entitle an art collector to own a Cake Circle.
A Cake Circle can never be curated to be exhibited in an art gallery, whatever the standing of the art gallery. And no amount of documentation, in whatever form of documentation one might choose, will ever give you that experience of ‘owning’ that ‘work of art’ that goes by the name of Cake Circle. It is only through drawing that circle on a map of your choice; baking those cakes; then going and knocking on those doors; then, if the door is answered saying, “I have baked you a cake, here it is”;  and you accepting the rejection or ridicule or even the acceptance; then you do the same again and attempt to deliver another cake to a home on the Cake Circle. And once you have constructed it you will ‘own’ it. Like if you swim seventeen lengths of the pool, or do a half marathon, you will own that doing of it, as in, no one else will.

But if you want something to mark your ownership...

You can paint a version of the Cake Circle NOTICE and hang it on your wall, as some sort of sign that you have done it and you are the ‘owner’. Whatever to ‘own’, or being an ‘owner’ is.

And here lies the unknowns...

Or...

The yet to be knowns...

Should there be only Forty of these Works of Art, each one taken from what the former Bill Drummond has attempted to do since the first public ruminations of the Penkiln Burn Universe in the mid to late 1990s?

Or...

Should each of these yet to be decided Works of Art only exist for 40 times. As in only 40 folk (Fellow Workers), get to construct, thus ‘own’ a cake circle. But if that rule is followed, it allows for the evils of Documentation to slip through the door. As in if each of the 40 are not documented, how would one know how many Cake Circles have been constructed.

Or...

Maybe, even if the former Bill Drummond throws his laptop and iPhone off the Queen Mary’s Bridge into the rushing waters of the Penkiln Burn on the 11th of May 2028, the actual Penkiln Burn Universe does not end until 2038, as in 40 years since it first became a public Universe to rival all those other Universes.

Maybe...

All these options can be worked out by you, and whatever other fellow workers, that might want to engage with this process.

So...

If there are to be 39 other Works of Art to be considered in this way, we will await to see what they are to be. Maybe each of those 39 will find there way on to FOOT NOTE between now and the 31st of December 2026. But I do hope it will include the invitation to all, to write their own play by Tenzing Scott Brown, that can then be performed at the Gathering.

In the meantime, we look forward to hearing from who is the first ‘owner’ of a Cake Circle.

And...

Now read or hear the NOTICE: HOW TO CONSTRUCT A CAKE CIRCLE #2 (PB Poster 343  2011) See photograph below...

Yours from the shop floor,

Brush (Your Shop Steward)
brush@penkilnburn.com

DELETE THE RUBBISH

SPOKE

WRIT

From the bench of Your Shop Steward
Wednesday, 11th March 2026

Fellow Workers.

At has been brought to our attention that some of the daily entries within FOOT NOTE are rubbish.

We appreciate your thoughts on the matter.

And in future we will delete content that is deemed to be rubbish.

Content is The Enemy.

The War on Content continues.

Yours from the shop floor,

Brush (Your Shop Steward)
brush@penkilnburn.com

2027?

SPOKE

WRIT

From the bench of Your Shop Steward
Thursday, 12th March 2026

Fellow Workers,

It has been brought to our attention, by those that sew the patches together for the quilt that is FOOT NOTE, that quilts have two sides to them. And that sometimes the side you see less often, might be the more interesting side.

As Your Shop Steward, I have taken this into account and suggested that maybe there should be an underside to this quilt with the name FOOT NOTE, and if the top side of the quilt is referred to as 2026, then the underside of FOOT NOTE should be referred to as 2027.

As yet, we do not know what content this darker side to the quilt will contain, but if things do not collapse before we get there, I guess we will begin to know on the 1st of January 2027.

If you have any suggestions as to what might be included in 2027, please do not hesitate to let us know.

Yours from the shop floor,

Brush (Your Shop Steward)
brush@penkilnburn.com

ChatBILL Versus ChatBotBILL

SPOKE

WRIT

From the bench of Your Shop Steward
Friday, 13th March 2026

Fellow Workers,

Three or so years ago, the former Bill Drummond was contacted by a Craig Charles. This Craig Charles wanted to know if he would be a guest on a radio show for a chat about the funk music of the early to mid 1970s, especially the funk music coming out of Hialeah in Florida and being released on TK Records. This particular insular interest was shared by both this Craig Charles and the former Bill Drummond. They also shared an interest in the more outlying reaches of Merseyside (Note: not Liverpool). This Craig Charles and that Bill Drummond have numerous things in common – don’t judge a man by his one liners.

The former Bill Drummond explained to the then Craig Charles, that he did not come on radio stations to chat about things, even things he was interested in.

But...

The former Bill Drummond did unveil to this Craig Charles, that he had been working on, or at least developing the idea of ChatBILL.

The idea of ChatBILL, being the former Bill Drummond’s response to the release of ChatGPT in November 2022.

The difference between ChatBILL and ChatGPT, would be that the real former Bill Drummond would be sitting on a chair on the island just above Queen Mary’s Bridge over the Penkiln Burn.

And...

That while sitting on this chair, the former Bill Drummond would transition into being ChatBILL.

And...

ChatBILL would be willing chat with anyone about anything for 17 minutes (or was it 40 minutes).

Now...

Or at least then, the Craig Charles was keen for this to happen, but reality stepped in the way, and a Craig Charles and a former Bill Drummond via ChatBILL were going to have to wait for another day before discussing whether the Clean Up Woman by Betty Wright was the greatest record ever released by TK Records or whether Cantril Farm beat the Netherley Estate in the Merseyside’s Top Ten of Slum Clearance Estates built in the 1960s. Of course, the former Bill Drummond was on the side of the Netherley for its concrete brutalist architecture and the fact that is where he worked for Merseyside Parks & Gardens cleaning up the mess in the arse end of 1973.

But anyway...

And ChatBILL never delivered...

But...

We here on the shop floor are now developing ChatBotBILL.

ChatBotBILL will be fed all of the information contained within FOOT NOTE (2026 & 2027) and when asked a question will answer the question drawing upon all that information and using the automated voice of the former Bill Drummond.

And...

During the Penkiln Burn Gathering we plan to host a session where we set ChatBILL (as in the former Bill Drummond), up against ChatBotBILL. Each will be asked the same Forty Questions. The questions will be from the audience. ChatBILL will be asked the question first. The ChatBotBILL will be asked the same question next. The Audience will vote on who has answered the question best. The winner of each Best Answer will be awarded a point. The overall winner will be the one with the most points.

As in...

THE WINNER TAKES IT ALL...

As to what the ‘ALL’ might be, we do not as yet know. If you have any suggestions what the WINNER TAKES do not hesitate to suggest.

Yours from the shop floor,

Brush (Your Shop Steward)
brush@penkilnburn.com

Post Script:
We here on the shop floor, already know that ChatBotBILL will win hands down, as in we here on the shop floor know that the former Bill Drummond forgets everything once he has written the words down.

TOP TENS

SPOKE

WRIT

From the bench of Your Shop Steward
Saturday, 14th March 2026

Fellow Workers,

We here on the shop floor, love a Top Ten, especially when there is the added suspense of their being a Chart Run Down. As in, no one really knows what the Number One is going to be until the big reveal.

So...

During the Penkiln Burn Gathering we are planning to have series of Top Ten Chart Run Downs.

The first will be on one night only. This will be for the Top Ten of all the individual entries included within The Life Model. For this Top Ten to happen, we are inviting you to list your favourite ten from all those entries included within The Life Model. As in your Top Ten of them in order 1 to 10. As in your Number One will get 10 points and your Number Ten will get one point. We will then add up all the numbers and do the maths.

And on the night, we will have Angie Darcy, Tam Dean Burn and the former Bill Drummond (if any of them are still alive) and they will read out the entries from Number Ten to Number One.

The other Top Ten, will be the based on the Top Ten favourite plays by Tenzing Scott Brown.

And again...

This Top Ten will be read (if not performed by) Angie Darcy and Tam Dean Burn. The former Bill Drummond might be on site to be the MC and control the baying throng.

And again...

It is for you the reader and listener to choose your Top Ten of Tenzing Scott Brown plays and email your list to us. And we will add up the numbers and do the maths.

As yet...

We do not know if this will all happen on the one night or over several nights.

As in...

Some of the Tenzing Scott Brown plays only last moments, while others last hours (if not years).

Yours from the shop floor,

Brush (Your Shop Steward)
brush@penkilnburn.com

Post Script:
Actually...
On reading the above before hitting send, we have had a bit of a rethink. We now think there should be a Top Ten of the Overs, a Top Ten of the Unders and a Top Ten of the Troubled Dreams. That will mean three of these Top Tens. Each of these three Top Tens read by either the former Bill Drummond, Tam Dean Burn and Angie Darcy.

A GRAFFIC MODEL?

SPOKE

WRIT

From the bench of Your Shop Steward
Sunday, 15th March 2026

From the Bench of Your Shop Steward
Sunday the 15th of March 2026

Fellow Workers,

Well...

The former Bill Drummond seems to have had the drawings done by those that gave up part of their lives to do the drawings to be part of what he said was going to as ‘inspiration’ for him to go and do woodcut versions of these drawings but like so many other things in his life – He Never Delivered.

And he has just bunged them all on the digital pages of The Life Model.

I mean...

We expect more than that.

As in we cannot rely on him to do what he says he is going to do.

Now a Jon Mayers – a reputable etcher and co-founder of the East End Printmakers

did what the former Bill Drummond never even attempted to do. As in this Jon Mayers chose two of the drawings done, and used them as the inspiration to make two etchings using the traditional methods of etching. Yes, we know that is not a wood cut, but it is still ‘proper’ print making.

If this Jon Mayers is willing to take the risk, and deliver the goods, there might be others out there who would want to take the risk at developing their skills at a form of ‘traditional’ print making and do their own interpretation of any or some of those drawings that have been done and are being used as no more than eye candy within The Life Model.

And...

If there are those others that take up this invitation, we hope they will be part of an exhibition of prints at the Penkiln Burn Gathering come 2028. Maybe even the former Bill Drummond will have attempted to do a wood cut or two by then.

We will see...

Yours from the shop floor,

Brush (Your Shop Steward)
brush@penkilnburn.com

Post Script:
Yes we know that in the world that we now live in, Artificial Intelligence could deliver a life like etching, screenprint, lino or even woodcut of any of these drawings in seconds. We trust you and your fellow workers for the purposes of this proposed exhibition to be on the side of the Future Luddite movement, who measure the time it takes to do something part of The Work being done and delivered, as opposed to just what the thing looks like in the brief moment that you might be looking at it on your phone. 

You get it?

CREE BANK OPENS

SPOKE

WRIT

From the bench of Your Shop Steward
Monday, 16th March 2026

Fellow Workers,

Supposedly...

CREE BANK will be open between the 1st of April and the 11th of May 2026, but with the amount high street branches of ‘proper’ banks closing, we cannot be certain...

Of anything...

But...

We have been informed by The Bank Manager of CREE BANK, that he will be open for business between those two dates.

As in...

The Bank Manager will be busy in the mint making CREE BANK currency over those Forty Days.

As in...

He will be knitting One Thousand Stiches per day.

And...

Each of those One Thousand Stiches will take the form of One Knitted Square.

And...

He will be painting the first of the Twelve Paintings.

And...

He hopes to display a selection of The Twelve Tributes lying Fanny Naked on the beach at Sizewell B Power Station.

Handheld photographic evidence of all of these forms of physical currency might be displayed within FOOT NOTE between those two dates.

And...

We understand that the 100 copies of the William E. Drummond novella CREE BANK will be available online via Alimentation.

And...

The spoken word version of this said novella will also be available to heard within FOOT NOTE on each of those dates between the 1st of April and the 11th of May 2026.

Yours from the shop floor,

Brush (Your Shop Steward)
brush@penkilnburn.com

Post Script:

And if the question ‘So where is this CREE BANK open. I mean can I go there and discuss my extending my overdraft or...?’ is looking for an answer, the answer is – CREE BANK is open in your head where other banks are closed.

Or...

On the beach at Sizewell B Nuclear Power Station between 3pm and 5pm on the 11th of May 2026. Bring you knitting with you.

HAVE Versus DOES

SPOKE

WRIT

From the bench of Your Shop Steward
Thursday, 26th March 2026

Fellow Workers,

If we were to put aside the question ‘Does Art exist?
And for a moment we accept art does exist.
Then can we explore the word ‘does’?

But before we do that, let us look at the word ‘have’

I have a mummy.
I have a baby doll.
I have a party dress.
I have the moves.
I have the followers.
I have a boyfriend.
I have an education.
I have a plan.
I have a purpose.
I have a career.
I have a house.
I have a husband.
I have a child.
I have a car.
I have a home.
I have children.
I have a new dress.
I have a garden.
I have the perimenopause
I have equity.
I have a pension plan.
I have a way of life.
I have justice.
I have respect.
I have cancer.
I have equality.
I have guilt.
I have books on my shelf.
I have food on my table.
I have remorse.
I have clothes in my wardrobe.
I have paintings on my wall
I have been there.
I have history.
I have lived a life.
I have it all.
Or...
At least I have some of it.

But...

Let us consider that maybe ‘have’ is the enemy.
Or at least consider...
It is not the having but the doing that matters to the ticking clock inside us all.
You might have all of the above, but if you are not doing, then what is all that having for?

Or...

All of the above is the former Bill Drummond’s get out clause.
As in...
The former Bill Drummond does not make art.
The former Bill Drummond does art.
As in...
If he made art, then it just becomes a thing that people can have.
But if he does art, then it exists not for other people to have...
But as a thing that other people can do as well.
But not in that curated sort of performance art sort of way.
As in...
Where there is a performer performing and there is an audience applauding.
I mean...
You cannot have a piece of the former Bill Drummond’s art,
Or even watch the former Bill Drummond perform the art.
But you can do a piece of the former Bill Drummond’s art.
Or...
To use his FOUR LETA WORD language
You can DOES it.
As in...
What you DOES can never be undone...
Whereas...
What you HAVE can always be taken away, or lost, or destroyed, or cured, or rot, or be forgotten. Or even worse – be a burden for whoever you leave behind.

Over the forty remaining Thursdays of this FOOT NOTE, I as your Shop Steward, hope to find and lay out forty of the works of art done by the former Bill Drummond that you can DOES but never HAVE. Many of these already exist in the form of instructions laid out within Penkiln Burn Posters. Some of these Penkiln Burn Poster may already be scheduled to appear within the 365 days of FOOT NOTE. But they might also be there in those forty remaining Thursdays.

And...

I you do one of these works of art, you will own it in a very real way, but not in a way that can ever be sold.

But...

If your hunger (addiction?) to HAVE cannot be supressed, why not just paint a life size copy of each of those posters after you have done each of those Forty Work O’Art, on the understanding it will be destroyed (recycled?) once you died (DONE DEAD), thus not be that burden to those...

Or maybe...

You just have one canvas that you paint on, and after you done / DOES each of the Forty Work O’Art in turn, you paint over the canvas with the text of the next Penkiln Burn Poster.

Now you can either ignore all of the above and get back to having.

Or...

Ignore all of the above and get back to doing what you want to be doing.

Or...

Ignore all of the above but, at the same time, interpret this all in a way that works for you either on your own...

Or...

Find others you want to do it with.

Yours from the shop floor,

Brush (Your Shop Steward)

1/40 BAKE A CAKE

SPOKE

WRIT

From the bench of Your Shop Steward
Thursday, 2nd April 2026

Fellow Workers,

This BAKE CAKE is to be the first of the Forty Work O’Art by Bill Drummond for you to do or dismiss.

I have chosen this to be the first as it might be the simplest and to use that over used phrase, ‘most timeless’

All you have to do is bake a cake and then cut it up and eat it – on your own or with others. There are thousands of cake recipes to be found on your Hand Held Device, but if you have already thrown your Hand Held Device off a bridge, then you can follow the recipe used by the former Bill Drummond and appears within FOOT NOTE on the dates of his children’s birthdays. But for the sake of something we will also include it here for you to down load or use as a template for your painting.

Happy Baking...

Yours from the shop floor,

Brush (Your Shop Steward)

THE ELDELRY GENTLEMAN?

SPOKE

WRIT

From the bench of Your Shop Steward
Wednesday, 8th April 2026

Fellow Workers,

It has been brought to our attention that the content of this FOOT NOTE filed under the title of The Elderly Gentleman has been lacking in related content – as in the images created by Hand Held Device. As of right now we are unsure if this has been a deliberate tactic used by Hand Held Device to leverage more ‘credit’ within the Penkiln Burn Universe, as in her not just being something in the pocket of the former Bill Drummond or...

It is the fact that since the rather brutal attempt to remove The Elderly Gentleman from the Penkiln Burn Universe by Scissorman back in early 2023, no one here on the shop floor has been taking responsibility to archive The Elderly Gentleman’s letters to The Dear Reader with any sort of due diligence.

To give some background information...

Sometime in that early 2023, we were able to find suitable accommodation for The Elderly Gentleman in the Care Home for The Deluded. This being a care home that specialises in catering and caring for former minor pop stars who live under the delusion that people remember who they are, and their flame has not flickered and faded and even if it has, their time will come again when...

Even though The Elderly Gentleman initially resisted his placing into The Care Home for The Deluded, he soon began to feel at home there with all his friends and rivals from over forty years ago. As in ‘friends and rivals’ that had also been forgotten. The staff there had been well trained to know who exactly the drummer in The Kinks in 1966 was and why the Doll’s House by Family is work of genius that could only have come from Leicester and not Nottingham and which the best album by Van Der Graaf Generator was.

And...

I am sorry to say, we here on the shop floor were too focused on surviving the DOGE’s (The Department of Galloverse Efficiency) ferocious attempts, under the new management of Scissorman, to downsize the whole of the Penkiln Burn Universe to a best of album, that we never got around to visiting The Elderly Gentleman in The Care Home for The Deluded. Thus we never got see if he was getting on with his painting of forty letters to The Dear Reader.

And...

With that we forgot all about his other inner self as Daffodil.

To mark this oversight on our part we would like to include some of the evidence provided by Hand Held Device of the activities of Daffodil on the 3rd of March 2022.

And...

We hope that by this time next year we will have evidence of all forty of The Elderly Gentleman’s painted letters to The Dear Reader*

*We never did find out who actually The Dear Reader was or if in fact The Dear Reader was only ever a figment of The Elderly Gentleman’s fractured and crumbling imagination.

Yours from the shop floor,

Brush (Your Shop Steward)

2/40 START A RECORD LABEL

SPOKE

WRIT

From the bench of Your Shop Steward
Thursday, 9th April 2026

Fellow Workers,

The former Bill Drummond has an unhealthy and recurring relationship with imagining made-up record labels.

This began in the late Summer of 1963 when Mackie Leonard’s mum gave the then ten-year-old Bill Drummond a copy of the 7” 45rpm record with the title Cinamon Cinder by The Pastel Six. This record had belonged to Mackie Leonard and Mackie resented his mum giving his record to the boy across the street that was then Bill Drummond. This giving and receiving happened in Lexington, North Carolina. This was the first 7” 45rpm the former Bill Drummond had ever touched. As much as the former Bill Drummond shook to the sound of this record when he heard it on the radio in their white Buick Special (1962), he did not have a record player to spin it on. And even when the Drummond family got back home to these islands, they did not have a record player between then and the Spring of 1967. And for those three years and seven months, that record sat in his bedroom not being spun, just as his growing collection of wild bird’s eggs could never hatch. But every day he would pick that record up and look at it. And he would touch the grooves and wonder how they contained that sound that made him shake and shimmy back when he was ten in the Summer of ’63. And then he would wonder if those grooves would still contain those sounds if it was ever spun again. And would he ever feel that feeling again that made him shake and shimmy. But more than that, he looked at the label and the words on the label. The main word was ZEN. But he did not know what this ZEN was or what it meant. Or where this record really came from. Or how it was made. Or why it was made. Or if it could ever be made again. But there was something in him that wanted to be that label. As in the physical label at the middle of the record, he was looking at. Back then the former Bill Drummond did not know that record labels were called record labels because every record had a label in the middle like this one with the word ZEN on it. And Z was his favourite letter because it was the last letter in the alphabet and the only word he had ever seen before that used the letter Z was the word Zoo.

But...

Things change. Things changed. The former Bill Drummond was now a teenager, buying records and listening to them in his bedroom with the walls painted black. But he never listened to this Cinamon Cinder by The Pastel Six. But sometimes he would pick it up and still look at it and wonder. And sometimes he wondered if he could be a record label. And sometimes he would buy records in the record shop because he liked the look and name of the label in the middle of the record, even though he had never heard of the band or singer whose name was on the record label. For him the record label contained an allure and mystery, whereas he knew the band or the singer just wanted to be famous and on television. There was no mystery to being famous and on television. There was no mystery to wanting people to look at you and like you. There was no mystery to music that people liked and wanted to dance to or cry to or...

Anyway...

Then The Beatles started their own record label, and it was called Apple. And this is when the former Bill Drummond learnt you could start your own record label. And the former Bill Drummond liked the look of this Apple record label. This Apple record label looked better than the sound of the records The Beatles were actually making. Even if it were just a Granny Smith’s Apple and not a Cox’s Orange Pippin.  Maybe he could still become a record label like Apple, I mean there were over two thousand three hundred distinct varieties of apples on these islands to choose from, thus there must be many more record labels to imagine into being real.

Then...

This Apple record label released a record called Unfinished Music No. 1: Two Virgins. On the cover of the record was a photograph of Yoko Ono and John Lennon without their clothes on – fanny naked. The former Bill Drummond bought the record and took it home in a brown paper bag and played it on his record player in his bedroom. The record was unlistenable to. This was brilliant. This triggered something in his head that would not go away. It seemed even then, most record labels tried to release records that people would want to listen to by bands and singers who wanted to be famous, even if in an underground / alternative way.

But that Yoko Ono and John Lennon were famous so that made that record not count in some sort of way. So the former Bill Drummond searched in record shop for records on labels he had never seen before and by bands or singers he had never heard of before, and he dreamed he would never hear about again like Cinamon Cinder by The Pastel Six.

For his 16th birthday he was given a record token. He went to the record shop and bought a record that had been released the day before by someone he had never heard about before on a label he had never seen before. And on the cover the singer was seen pretending to murder his mother. This looked like the right sort of record to buy, especially when the woman working in the record shop told him it was the worst record ever made, even worse than Unfinished Music No. 1: Two Virgins. This record was called An Evening With Wild Man Fischer by Wild Man Fischer on a record label called Bizarre. And as previously observed the young Bill Drummond liked words with the letter Z in them. It was a double album, like the white record by The Beatles had been a double album. When he got the record home and put it on his record player, it was so unlistenable to he was unable to listen to it all the way through. And never has done. It was that good. And he wondered if this Wild Man Fischer was a real man or just a made-up man. Or could you be both made-up and real at the same time.

Anyway...

By the time the former Bill Drummond reached that moment in his mid-twenties when he knew that he would never be able to find a record more unlistenable to than An Evening With Wild Man Fischer, he decided he had to make-up a record label himself that would release records by bands and singers that no-one had ever heard of and would never hear about again.

But he did not have the courage to do it on his own, the former Bill Drummond embraces his lack of courage. So he did it with a David Balfe. And the record label was called The Zoo. And they put out 7” 45rpm records by made-up bands that no one had ever heard of and would never hear about again.

But some of those made-up bands wanted to be heard about again. They even wanted to record long playing records. And even wanted to be famous. And even worse – they became famous and successful. The then Bill Drummond was unable to stop them from being famous and successful. So he stopped.

But the former Bill Drummond was now in his thirties and almost middle-aged and he found himself being inspired by the record label Ralph Records and their made-up band called The Residents. Even though the then Bill Drummond wondered why they were not named The Rezidents. Maybe he still had a chance. Maybe he should not stop that urge in him to make-up a new record label. But again, he did not have the courage to do it on his own, so he did with two men called Rockman Rock and King Boy D. And the record label was called KLF Communications. And they made and released records by made-up bands. And although the name of the record label did not have a Z in it, they invented a guiding philosophy called Zenarchy. But again, the then Bill Drummond failed in his mission defined by Zenarchy, as some of these records and even the made-up bands became successful. So he stopped.

But in his forties the now very middle-aged then Bill Drummond, could not stop the urge in him to make-up a new record label. And now he knew what he was doing, so he made-up a record label in faraway Finland, and he called the made-up record label Kalevala. And this Kalevala record label had a mythical made-up tyrannical boss called Hannu Puttonen. And with a Mark Manning, whom the former Bill Drummond called Z, they together made-up bands from this mythical faraway Finland. And recorded these made-up bands in the reality of faraway Finland with real Finnish musicians and singers. And released these made-up bands’ records on the Kalevala record label. But only 500 copies of each of the records and never anymore. This limiting them to only 500 copies each made sure none of these records could ever be successful. Thus the former Bill Drummond finally felt he had achieved his lifelong ambition of making records that could never be successful, and nobody could ever know who or what these made-up bands or singers were or were not. Almost as great as the untouchable Cinamon Cinder by The Pastel Six.

But...

When the former Bill Drummond found himself in his fifties a thing called the internet had sneaked in. And with this thing called the internet, everything could be found out, and everybody could be famous and every record ever made could be heard wherever you were in the world.

This was the end.

So...

The former Bill Drummond decided that the making of records was a thing of the past. A thing of the 20th Century.

So...

The former Bill Drummond made-up a choir instead. And this made-up choir was called The17. But everyone in the world could be a member of this choir. But the only way you could ever hear this choir was if you were there performing in it as it performed. And The17 would never be recorded. And The17 would end the moment the former Bill Drummond turned 60. And all of this happened.

But the former Bill Drummond was now in his late middle ages, and he started to listen to recorded music again. But music he had never listened to before in his life. The music of Alice Coltrane, Sun Ra, Wendy Carlos and Moondog. But most of all Glenn Gould working his way through the Well-Tempered Clavier. Glenn Gould had flipped what the former Bill Drummond had been attempting to do with The17. As in Glenn Gould only made long playing vinyl records and never played the music contained on those records live in front of an audience.

But the former Bill Drummond forgot to make a made-up record label in his late middle ages with made-up artists like Alice Coltrain or Sun Ra or Wendy Carlos or Moondog or even Glenn Gould. The reason he gives for forgetting is because he was attempting to sail The 25 Paintings around the world in an attempt to...

But he forgot what he was attempting to do.

And then his late middle ages left him behind and he became an old man in his 70s. And as an old man he knew that he was now ready to imagine his last made-up record label and release actual vinyl albums and not just 7” 45rpm singles. This made-up record label was to be called Penkiln Burn Recordings and be run by a Geordie with a made-up history. And this made-up Geordie would only be called The Managing Director of Penkiln Burn Recordings, and he would have a made-up history. And Penkiln Burn Recordings would only every release five long playing records. Records you could never buy from a record shop or...

But...

And this is where it gets difficult and you might be able to step in and fill the void...

The former Bill Drummond wishes he had made-up a record label in his late middle ages...

Thus...

He is inviting those that are in their 60s to make-up record labels that he has left it too late to ever make-up himself. This being done in the hope that these records released by these made-up record labels will be difficult at the same time as not be tainted with the American Cultural Imperialism or from a bygone era like the records that he – the former Bill Drummond was listening to in his own 60s.

We here on the shop floor have a record player with its needle sharpened and primed to drop into the groove of your record(s) when you send one to us so that we can listen to it and them and wonder.

Yours from that very shop floor,

Brush (Your Shop Steward)
brush@penkilnburn.com

3/40 CLIMB A TREE

SPOKE

WRIT

From the bench of Your Shop Steward
Thursday, 16th April 2026

Fellow Workers,

Following on from last week’s extensive missive to you about the former Bill Drummond’s unhealthy relationship with imagining record labels and encouraging you to do the same, I have negotiated an agreement with those that attempt to pull the strings around here.

The agreement being...

From here on in my missives to you regarding former Bill Drummond’s war between Verbs and Nouns, I will never write more than four hundred words for each of the remaining Thursdays contained within FOOT NOTE, including this week.

Thus...

In the Spring of 1955 when the former Bill Drummond was yet to reach the age of two, his mother laid him on a rug under the Apple Tree in their garden. The Apple Tree was in blossom. Laying there looking up at the blossom as they danced in the gentle breeze made feel warm and comfortable and almost content. Then a petal fell from the blossom and landed on his face. He thought the petal wanted to be with him. And this made him happy. For the next ten years of his life, anytime he was lying in his bed at night, scared that the bad things might climb through his open window and steel him away, he would think about that blossom and that petal falling down to his face and how that made him feel in the Spring of 1955, and he would feel protected from the Bad Things.

And in the Spring of 1957 when he was still four years old, and the Apple Tree was in blossom, he wanted to be part of the blossom, so he pulled himself up onto the first branch of the Apple Tree. And from there he climbed to the next branch. And then the next branch. And when he could not climb any further, he looked out at the world and the world looked different. And he wondered why the world looked different. And he called this wondering Wonder. Then he heard his mother calling him. But his mother could not see him. His mother thought he had disappeared from the garden. He liked not being seen.

And from that day on he decided he would climb as many trees as he could so he could Wonder at the world. While not being seen.

Yours from the shop floor,

Brush (Your Shop Steward)  

4/40 NAIL A NAIL

SPOKE

WRIT

From the bench of Your Shop Steward
Thursday, 23rd April 2026

Fellow Workers,

Also...

At the age of four the then Bill Drummond wandered out of the garden gate and along the road and down the hill and into Mr McQuirter’s workshop. Mr McQuirter was banging a nail with a hammer into a plank of wood. Mr McQuirter was the town carpenter. The then Bill Drummond wondered if Mr McQuirter being a carpenter meant that one day he would become Jesus of Galloway. And one day Mr McQuirter would find himself being nailed to a cross.

But...

Before Mr McQuirter became Jesus of Galloway, he showed the then four-year-old Bill Drummond how to hold a hammer and nail a nail into a plank of wood, so that it would then be nailed to his bench.

For his fifth birthday the then five-year-old Bill Drummond got the birthday present he wanted – a hammer, a bag of nails and a bench to go in his bedroom. Mr McQuirter had made the bench. His Granny Drummond gave her grandson some pennies to go and spend at the sweet shop. But instead of going to the sweet shop the then five-year-old Bill Drummond took the hammer and bag of nails and pennies into the wood up the hill from the Manse. And he nailed each of the Pennies to different trees.

And...

When he lay in bed at night, he would wonder if those Pennies were still nailed to those trees. The now 72-year-old former Bill Drummond still lies in bed at night wondering if those pennies are still nailed to those trees.

But...

Back then the five-year-old Bill Drummond wondered if it was because Jesus was a carpenter he got nailed to a cross. And that if Jesus had been a mason he would have been stoned to death. And if he had been stoned to death and not nailed to a cross what would Christians Soldiers use to march into war.

But...

Now there is a dark side to boys wanting to nail nails into wood. That dark side is that as you nail you can see the wood begin to split and a slit appear. And when the teenage Bill Drummond thought about this, he thought that maybe this was like rape. The wood did not want the nail being nailed into it as much as the boy liked hammering his nail into the split in the wood.

But...

I have now surpassed my given 400-word limit, so please feel free to edit these words as you feel appropriate.

Yours from the shop floor,

Brush (Your Shop Steward)

5/40 CROSS A BRIDGE

SPOKE

WRIT

From the bench of Your Shop Steward
Thursday, 30th April 2026

Fellow Workers,

We here on the shop floor were concerned that the former Bill Drummond might want to commission us to build a bridge. We know he has had an almost lifelong addiction to bridges. And maybe his addiction would get to a point where he would want to own his own bridge. But I guess we should have known that could never be the case, as he has an almost unhealthy eversion to owning things. I’m not going to bother with attempting to give any history about him and bridges, probably a number of his other selves have already told you elsewhere anyway.

But...

Although we know he does not have a suicidal side to his character, we do know he does have to supress that urge that many of us have to jump off bridges. We try to diffuse his urge by encouraging him to just lean over the side and look down into the water and wonder about that other world down there, for a few moments, before continuing his crossing of the bridge.

The other thing that is a bit of an issue for us, is when he finds a tree that has fallen across a small river and he decides that if is fallen precisely there for him to then attempt to cross the river using the fallen tree as Bridge sent by God. The thing is seeing as he turned 73 years old yesterday, we think he owes it to us – and maybe even his family, to suppress this urge as well. I mean he is pretty good at suppressing urges.

Anyway...

He is always on the lookout for new bridges to cross, even today he crossed one for the first time. I was down the lane to Red House by Rectory Farm, over a wee stream called Turkey Brook.

And today I am well within my 400 word limit and hope you download the accompanying poster and start your crossing of forty bridges today.

Yours from the shop floor,

Brush (Your Shop Steward)

Post Script:
Maybe me and a local artist should go and paint a painting of a bridge on his wall under Spaghetti Junction. It will be the last of our Twenty Five Paintings there.

6/40 DRIFT OFF

SPOKE

WRIT

From the bench of Your Shop Steward
Thursday, 7th May 2026

Fellow Workers,

This is going to be a difficult missive for me to write and put in the post to you.
The content of this missive seems to go against everything that I aspired to back when I was one of those children, who would listen to every word our teacher said. Taking it all on board to the point that I could almost recite it word for word as I lay in my bed at night before the dreams would take me away.

But...

As the years began to drift past and I failed to achieve my ambitions - to start that much needed workers revolution and finally see The Man consigned to the dustbin of history - I realised I needed to catch a bus to that place Woolie Backs came from and find one of those things they call ‘meadows’ in poetry, and lie in the middle of that meadow but at the same time making sure I did not lie on some of that fresh cow dung. 

While lying there I would stare up into the sky and find a cloud that was drifting across the sky and watch it all the way until it had disappeared from my vision completely

I found that I was unable to do this without my mind drifting away from concentrating on the cloud doing the drifting.

This was the first time in my life that I had allowed my mind to drift.

From that moment, on I would give over forty minutes of each day where I would allow my mind to drift to wherever it wanted to go.

And it was through this mind drifting that I discovered new plateaus in my imagination that I never knew existed. 

I think it was this discovery, and what I learnt from it, that allowed me to be both an inanimate object, as in any one of the hundreds of paintbrushes that the former Bill Drummond has used, in any of his guises, whilst at the same time being a young woman who grew up on Merseyside inspired by stories told to me about Bessie Braddock.

You do know who Bessie Braddock is?

And if you don’t you better find out before I rescind your membership to the Union of Workers Chapel in The Penkiln Burn Universe 

Yours from the shop floor,

Brush (Your Shop Steward)

7/40 LIE DOWN

SPOKE

WRIT

From the bench of Your Shop Steward
Thursday, 14th May 2026

Fellow Workers,

Does all life lie?

Does this capacity to lie make Life on Earth, different from all other objects that exist within the known universe?

As in; a stone cannot lie as it is being thrown at you, but the person throwing the stone at you can lie. 

And they will probably lie to others when they are asked why they cast the stone.

Were Courts of Law evolved just so that humans could refine their skills at lying?

Who taught the male Pigeon’s attempt to impress a female Pigeon by the way he struts and ruffles his feathers? 

She can see he is lying, even we can see he is lying.

I might be Your Shop Steward, but I am still only any one of several hundred, or even thousand paint brushes that the former Bill Drummond has picked up to paint whatever he is painting at the stage of life that he finds himself today. 

As in; being a brush, an inanimate object, I can’t lie, but Bill Drummond can use me to tell his lies, because, by using me, whatever he paints is a lie.

I have noted in the past that the former Bill Drummond once claimed that mirrors always lie, that is why he has an aversion of looking into him. But I know, and I think you also know, that the mirror, as a fellow inanimate object cannot lie, but can be used as a device for not only the former Bill Drummond, but every human alive on earth today, to lie to themselves. 

Same with the clothes that all humans wear. They might think they are wearing them to keep warm or even protect their modesty. But you all know everything you wear in your waking hours, is worn to tell a lie about yourself to every other person that might see you. As for that ‘expressing yourself’ stuff, that is and always has been a jumped up way of making out your lies have a creative or moral worth. 

Which brings me to my five questions for the day...

1. Is lying as fundamental to Life on Earth as its hunger to consume oxygen.

2. When does a newborn baby first learn to lie?

3. Do humans only stop lying after they have died?

4. Is the longing for legacy, the hope that we learn to lie after we have died?

5. If cutting off one’s nose is done to spite one’s face, what can a human cut off to spite their hunger to lie? 

If you have the answer to any or all of those five questions, please do not hesitate to email them to me at brush@penkilnburn.com

Yours from the shop floor,

Brush (Your Shop Steward)

8/40 SEE THROUGH

SPOKE

WRIT

From the bench of Your Shop Steward
Thursday, 21st May 2026

Fellow Workers,

This Seeing and not just Looking thing, is something that the former Bill Drummond has been going on about for the past fifty-five years and counting.

But the truth is... 

I doubt he has got any better at actually Seeing and not just Looking during all of those passing decades.

And... 

To clarify or maybe embroider the words that have been used on the accompanying poster I would like to offer the following thoughts...

Artists are just merely middlemen and, sadly, middle-women as well. 

Artists just exist to scam fellow humans into thinking better of themselves while the humans admire the work done by the Artist. In the same way that Ministers and Bishops and Priests and Imams and Rabbis had been placed as the middlemen between mankind and whatever it is that we might once have hoped existed in some other untouchable world.

And in turn...

We know that Cathedrals, Synagogues, Mosques, Temples and even Stone Circles, only exist to be the physical but fake gates between you and whatever word you want to use for The Great Beyond. 

It is the same with Art Galleries, especially the major ones, as in The Tates, the MoMAs, The Guggenheims and the Pompidous, that have been built for those Post-God-Fearing generations.

The hundreds of thousands of People that visit these Art Galleries around the globe every year, only ever Look at the Dead Art that has been displayed on those walls and floors and ceilings. This Looking at the Dead Art prevents them from Seeing the real art that is out there all the time, wherever they are in the world. Real Art that has been created by the Inanimate Artists.

I know this because I have spent most of my working life as a paint brush, thus an Inanimate Object, but at the same time as operating on the front line of Man’s Vanities.

And yes...

I know that while these words of mine are being written, VAPE SHOP is out there, attempting to See the work of those truly great artists like Bird Shite and Crushed Can, Empty Fag Packet and of course that greatest artist of all time Shadow.

In the meantime, I would like to suggest you stop what you are doing now, and take a short walk, and see if you can follow the words suggested in the accompanying poster to these words of mine, and in turn truly See the work that Bird Shite has been doing within a few yards of wherever you are on the world right now.

Yours from the shop floor,

Brush (Your Shop Steward)

9/40 CAST SYSTEM

SPOKE

WRIT

From the bench of Your Shop Steward
Thursday, 28th May 2026

Fellow Workers,

Well...

I have to admit...

I am not too sure what it is that the former Bill Drummond is implying with the content of this latest NOTICE in his war between Verbs and Nouns.

I mean that closing line...

CREATE YOUR OWN CAST

For a start it implies that one should be using the verb Cast to create a noun with the name of Cast. Thus immediately admitting defeat in the war against nouns. As in the making of a physical cast to cast molten iron into cannons or bombs or something else that man might use in those wars they have throughout history indulged their fantasies in and in turn the slaughter of millions of...

Then...

It also implies that one should create one’s own Cast System. As in the Class System they had and still have in India.

You might think the Class System is bad enough in this UK, or any of those of physical places our other Western Workers might be Working within, but it is nothing like the Cast System that they have in India. I should know. Although now is not the time to go into why I should know.

But...

If you are to cast your own cast system, I impeach / implore / order you to create one where you are at the very bottom. And it being one that you can never climb out of. So no Slumdog Millionaire biopic type fantasies. Or even Born into Brothels documentary depicting your new life at the bottom...

I mean you have watched Born into Brothels?

If not watch it now and see you here next week. When you have learnt to cast everything you think you have ever learnt into the cesspit that Jamal jumped into to get that autograph.

Yours from the shop floor,

Brush (Your Shop Steward)

10/40 MAYK MUNI

SPOKE

WRIT

From the bench of Your Shop Steward
Thursday, 4th June 2026

Fellow Workers,

Is the former Bill Drummond attempting to take the piss?

I mean...

Is he being serious?

Or is this just some sort of attempt on his part on being ironic about the whole world of online scam mongers.

I mean...

Should the title verb at the top of this week’s NOTICE have been SCAM.

If it is an attempt at a scam on his part, I don’t think anyone will be buying it.

And...

If his misspelling of the word MAKE, is just a way of him being able to use the same verb twice in his war between Verbs and Nouns.

Hang on a minute...

Am I getting this totally wrong?

Is the war between Verbs and Adjectives. As in both Verbs and Adjectives are attempting the curry the favours of Nouns.

And on the subject of ‘curry’. I suggest instead of you wasting your time with the MAYK MUNI scam, you should go and get some turmeric, cumin and coriander and make some curry this evening with whatever is left in your fridge that is bordering on passing its eat by date.

Yours from the shop floor,

Brush (Your Shop Steward)

Post Script:
Or was all that just a play on the Selkirk Grace
I mean you do know your Selkirk Grace

11/40 FIND FIVE SHADOWS

SPOKE

WRIT

From the bench of Your Shop Steward
Thursday, 11th June 2026

Fellow Workers,

Well...

I don’t know if you have the time in your life to go out and find five shadows, be they ones you have never seen before or ones that you see every day.

Or...

Maybe the former Bill Drummond just wants you to notice the world around you, on a daily basis, and the beauty contained within it.

As for what shadows are for, I guess there must be a scientist somewhere that has worked that out. Will it be the fittest shadows that survive.

Anyway...

Back to the verb FIND...

As Your Shop Steward, I would like to promote the act of finding, be that those five shadows, or the mere meaning of life.

I mean...

At breakfast this morning I found a toenail cutting in my marmalade as I spread my toast. My instant reaction was, to be disgusted, and throw the slice of toast into the bin, along with the jar of marmalade, that the toenail cutting had been bathing in.

But...

Then I decided it was my job, to find meaning in what this toenail cutting was doing in my jar of marmalade. And why my reaction to this finding was so profound. Or at least profound in that moment.

If you are able to find an answer to what I might have been trying to find, please email it to me at brush@penkilnburn.com

Yours from the shop floor,

Brush (Your Shop Steward)