The Creeping Ivy
The Creeping Ivy

The Garden Shed is somewhere in Suburban North London.

Most mornings King Boy D locks himself in The Garden Shed so he can converse with The Spiders.


In The Garden Shed there is a box of fading and crumbling copies of music papers from the late 1980s. These music papers have names like Sounds, Melody Maker and The New Musical Express. These music papers were once considered important. These music papers were once collectively known as The Inkies.

Sitting on his upturned pail in the corner of The Garden Shed, King Boy D will carefully take copies of The Inkies from the cardboard box. King Boy D will then read aloud stories from The Inkies. King Boy D reads these stories to The Spiders.  These stories are about the band that King Boy D imagined he once was in. The Spiders are not listening. The Spiders have more important things to be doing in The Garden Shed. The Spiders need to catch tiny insects in The Webs to feed to their Baby Spiders.


While reading aloud, King Boy D has fantasies about finding a thing called Legacy.

For some Legacy is a desert island where there is a hidden trove of treasure yet to be found.

For others Legacy is a concocted myth to be marketed in the modern world for short term gain.

The Spiders know that Legacy is only a made-up thing in the world of Men who know no better and Men who no longer matter.

King Boy D is confused...

King Boy D dreams of finding this Desert Island so that he can plunder the Legacy that he thinks is rightfully his.

King Boy D has fantasies that The People will celebrate this Legacy and pay good money to touch the hem of this Legacy’s garments.

King Boy D is confused.

The Spiders are not confused.


What neither King Boy D nor The Spiders know is...

The Creeping Ivy is outside right now. And season by season The Creeping Ivy’s tentacles are surrounding The Garden Shed.


The Creeping Ivy will crush and bring down The Garden Shed and all it contains.

And somewhere I hear...

George Jones singing I’m Gonna Burn Your Playhouse Down.

In the meantime...

If you do hear rumour of or even evidence of King Boy D attempting to plunder this imagined Legacy, please inform me.


The Penkiln Burn does not know what this website is about, other than it once began and one day it will end.

CONTACT: is a character in the Penkiln Burn Universe. likes to answer questions that have not been asked before.

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At times... will express their own opinions without being asked a question first.


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